A month later I find myself sitting in the midst of this change. Change that the Universe supplied to me, for dyeing my hair brown. To tell it short and precise, I am unemployed.
No, not exactly the change I was hoping for, but it came with a certain amount of relief. Finally, I move on! My work for the last nearly four years has been a blessing, no doubt of that. I have colleagues who have become friends and I have been of use to some of the most vulnerable people in the world - children and teenagers - made refugees by their countries and sometimes by their own families. I have gained a deep insight into the complex arguements for and against immigration.
Yet there was never an outlet for my creative energies, which itched in my brain and at fingertips. Time spent earning money was time taken away from things that were important to me. I have a childrens picture/storybook to complete, a new skill (chocolatier) to develop, artwork to complete, an adventure to embark upon (America), and a search to complete (finding that darned elusive husband). Although I have found it difficult to explain the necessity of all these to the girl sitting at the desk in the job centre the first time I signed on. (I didnt tell her about the elusive husband, or the trip to America). So although I may be jobless, I am not workless.
Should there really be a difference between the two I wonder? I have indulged in too many self help books that tell you to follow the desires of your heart... I have signed on for the ride now!
It was not with trepidation, or worry or regret that I left my workplace, but rather with eager excitement for everything that would come next. I had ideas of what I where I wanted it to go, but there were a lot of variables and unknowns yet to discover. It was at this point I decided to begin writing this blog, since the Great Unknown is always a good story to tell.
The Great Unknown however is proving to be a little tricky to navigate. Loneliness becomes a quick companion on this quest. Encouragement from others becomes a vital nourishment and thankfully I am surrounded by wonderful people who do just that. Without it I feel like a mud fight is going on between Miss Lazy on the one side and Miss 'GET ON WITH IT!' on the other.
The answer to the problem is to ignore both and stay happy by over indulging on TED talks, and spending time chatting to Marcus about them. He is another passenger on unemployed boat who is taking refuge in my house, so I am not really lonely. Thats just a trick that discouragement plays is playing on me. Discouragement is also a liar and a thief, because lessens the value of what I have actually achieved so that it can steal my coming success.
I just make sure that every day something is ticked off my list. I start running again and try to pray for 45 mins... which is a lovely hard thing to achieve because so many ideas start flooding my head. I have to have a writing prayer so as not to forget, which personally, I dont think is disrespectful at all.
I get my first rejection from an editor but the feedback is encouraging. Mum and I come up with a much more exciting plan to publish and distribute it ourselves and raise money for a childrens charity at the same time.
I remember the blog I started and realise that here I can account to myself, read myself and think, its ok to be alone-ish. It wont always be like this. Enjoy it while it lasts
So, this has been today. Its been a good day, and I think that, actually, most days are.
