Thursday 27 January 2011

Just over a week ago, on a slow Saturday, I decided to dye my hair from its natural blond to deep, dark brunette.

I realize that this is a mundane and uninspiring act for most people out there. It heralds gray hair and a tightening grip on youth which is slowly slipping away. I have only just got my first gray hair this year and had a hard time finding it amongst my fine blond hairs. I am actually quite proud of this single trophy to the wisdom I have accumulated in my nearly 35 years of life.

I also need to point out that I had never dyed my hair before. Everyone wanted my hair. Its colour, texture, ease of styling. Why then should I not be content with it just as it was?

No, my reason for dyeing my hair was purely psychological. You could call it boredom, which I was at that particular moment. I was also frustrated, with life, with the attempts to change that didn't change anything. I had become different but the world didn't see because it was so accustomed to seeing me in the same way every day. And I needed the world to start treating me differently.

Now there was nothing wrong with me psychologically either, other than the boredom. My spirit, my soul is just as beautiful, and healthy and happy as my hair is perfect. Ok, not completely perfect, but good. I have no past that is not unreconciled. I know how to forgive, to say sorry, to love, to overcome regret. My core being, my spirit, is good and whole and something I think people look at in the same way as my hair. Desirable.

Becoming this way has not been easy. It has been a battle and an adventure these last fifteen years. Learning and understanding my core value as a human being didn't come natural as my blond hair came to me. Although the lessons were hard, I am thankful for them. Remembering those hard times are delicious to me and now I want the next course.

This single act of dyeing my hair was an act of bravery. I was, and am, saying to the world... ok, I am ready, bring it on! I want to grow some more! Do life to me!

And since then it seems that the universe has heard me.